Are you a list maker? Do you double and triple check things to make sure it’s done right? What about in the waiting? Are you biting your fingernails and pacing? Do you feel your anxiety is insurmountable and could derail you if succumbed to?
Maybe you are a fly-by-the-seat of your pants kind of gal or guy. Your as Cool as a cucumber, nothing ruffles your feathers or gets you in a frenzy. You have the tendency to sit back and relax in the wait because you know you have done the work. You don’t see the benefit of worrying about something you may have no control over, and, after all, what could you possibly do now to change the outcome?
Reflect
I am an anxious Anna which translates to procrastinator. My husband so lovingly pointed out to me, not too long ago, that I do “everything (whatever I have set in stone) to the extreme.” I personally thought that his point was exaggerated, but I was looking through the lens of a perfectionist. What he sees as spending hours upon hours fussing over frivolous minutia, I see as taking great pride in making sure every detail is addressed and delivered satisfactorily. He said that I needed balance.
I wanted to argue his point of me not being balanced, but a recent trip to New York City cleared my vision. We had planned to spend the weekend there since I had never been, and it had been a while since we were able to make a trip, just the two of us. I was flying solo as Shawn was already in flight from Dubai where he had been for work so I would be meeting him there. While waiting for my connection at Chicago O’hare, I noticed a few things by observing the people around me that forced me to recognize something in myself.
I’m sitting there, fully prepared, ready to board the aircraft an hour ahead of schedule. I was fidgety, periodically checking the time, my ticket, and mentally surveying all my belongings. I thought, do I have everything I need? Of course, this is a moot question at this juncture being that I’m now halfway to my destination, so I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it anyway had I forgot something. Different thoughts and anxieties started filling my mind. Should I get my book out and start reading, or is it too close to boarding time? Even if I have some time, I may miss an important announcement meant just for me because I got too immersed in the reading material. I should probably space out my bathroom trips before boarding. One now, and one a quarter till pre-boarding (I hate using the airplane bathroom, and will avoid it unless it is an emergency). All of these absurdities run through my mind as I am people watching. I notice others engaged in conversations, watching something on their phones or the television, or eating. There was even a young man sleeping! They seem relaxed and completely unaware of all the possibilities that could become realities at any moment.
What is Balance?
Boarding the plane has now gotten underway and my attention goes back the gentleman lying on the floor that had been sleeping. I think, doesn’t he realize we we are boarding? Is he way early for a different flight and just hanging out here? Is he going to miss this flight because he has no idea that we are boarding as he enjoys his nap? I’m on the edge of my seat waiting for my section 5 boarding status to be called as small children and people with disabilities are starting to board. I continue to look around observing the other passengers as thoughts swirl around in my head, when almost simultaneously, I direct my attention over to where the sleeping gentleman was as section 3 is being announced over the speaker. Where did he go? I looked around in search of the now woke man and I am surprised to see him in line with all the other section 3 passengers waiting to board the aircraft. This is when it dawned on me that I behave and react entirely differently to the same situations that others sharing my experience do. I realized that I can go to extremes sometimes when it comes to worrying. I can let my anxiety take the wheel in situations of uncertainty or when I am uncomfortable. I noticed that there was a major difference between anxious Anna and laidback Lenny.
Okay, so obviously, fretting over the little stuff is a waste of time and doesn’t serve anyone well. I saw his point, however, when he was making his argument, he was referring to how much time I was spending getting my business started. Balance doesn’t always look like a scale with two plates suspended at equal distances. It can also look like a juggler throwing and catching balls in rhythm. But, like a juggler will need to let some balls go in order to sustain his act, sometimes, in order to gain valuable assets, more attention will need to be given to one area while other things get temporarily dropped. This is the ebb and flow of life; the consistent inconsistencies that keep us tethered to our goals. Although I do see where nitpicking over details, that more than likely I will only notice, could be a waste of energy, where he says I need balance, I say, sometimes, the scale needs to tip.
Although, we must put some things as priorities in order to get things done, will focusing our effort all in one area undermine the rest?
When to Tip the Scales
It can be hard to know when more energy should be given to one thing while other areas take a back seat. Sometimes focusing more energy on a certain goal is imperative in order to expedite a process. For instance, starting a business. You can spend hours at a time preparing for it by doing research, completing coursework, reading books, and taking webinars, to begin with. Then, you must do all the legal preparations for opening a business, plus create a website, set up social media accounts, advertise, etc. The list seemingly never stops. There is a lot of time that goes into it, and it may run the race for a bit. And, even though I admit I put more time into some things than was probably necessary, putting forth focused effort helped me to open on my target date. In this particular instance, giving everything equal or partially equal weight would have slowed my momentum, or even crushed it. Because I am a perfectionist, getting started, for me, can be an obstacle in itself. So, for a while, there was more takeout for dinner, a week’s worth of laundry waiting to be washed, and a dirtier than usual household. Some balls got dropped in order for a greater goal to get reached. Even though it may seem contradictory, this is an image of balance. Because, if you give everything the same amount of attention, then nothing will be priority.
This is the ebb and flow of life; the consistent inconsistencies that keep us tethered to our goals.
So, how do we become more balanced when we don’t know what that looks like, or we tend to let anxiety steal the show? Let’s think back to laid back Lenny. Lenny, I’ll call him, had his priorities in order. He was tired. I don’t know why; maybe he didn’t get enough sleep the night before or it could be that he had already been on a couple other flights and it was turning into a long day. He could have strained to stay awake worrying about ridiculous things like I was, but he knew that was a waste of his already depleted energy. Whatever the reason for the lethargy, he knew he had plenty of time to rest before he had to board the plane. That was his priority because he was tired and obviously otherwise prepared.
Consider preparedness. If you have what you need and you know where you are going at what time, why worry? What is the worst thing that could happen? Focusing in the moment is the best course of action. What is priority in this moment? Trying to give many things equal weight, will make your head spin. And putting undeserved emphasis on worry, will end in failure. A juggler can juggle three balls with minimal effort, but as he starts adding more and more balls, his head starts to move back and forth, and his attention is divided between them all. He becomes more and more concerned about keeping them all in the air. Everyone knows that the balls’ suspension won’t last, and, eventually, they will all come crashing down. In order to sustain the act, you must prioritize your goals, and, in order to keep balance, you have to let something go.
Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work at hand. The sun's rays do not burn until brought to a focus.
